I should be sponsored by Trojan
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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