How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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