You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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