I puked a lego.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
