It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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