It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
