Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently you make a good broom.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
