I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
