i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
