The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
