I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
