It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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