i would punch a child for taco bell
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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