toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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