did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
