Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Alive.
So much puke
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
