I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
