Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
