I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
