Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
