You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
