Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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