ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
