you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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