I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
