Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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