wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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