i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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