It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
