The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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