I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
