all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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