you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
