you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
