I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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