You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
