im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
