I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
