Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
