Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
