Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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