i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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