My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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