Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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