Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
