I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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