Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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