Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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