swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
