i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
