he looks like a really good dad on facebook
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
